I Said STOP FOLLOWING ME!

Why do I get most of my blog inspirations late in the evening right around my bedtime?! Procrastination is a sneaky little devil. Despite the fact that my eyelids are being propped up with toothpicks and my throat feels like a smooth kind of sandpaper, the people in my head are chanting "sleep when you die" while they peacefully protest my going to sleep anytime soon. Thus, here I am, victim to my own need to spew off my latest prime cut in my stream of consciousness.

Today's adventure involved a two hour session at a local tailor fashionista. Had a great time trying on new styles and came up with something that is perfect for me. While in the dressing room, impulsivity consumed me and everytime I threw my street clothes on, a great fashion piece screamed at me for attention. I'm lucky I made it out alive. Afterwards, I went to a shoe store with the sole purpose of finding a gold pair of sandals that would be the ultimate accessory to a skirt that I was 99% sure I needed in addition to my other piece. When it rains, it pours. Power shopping at it's finest. I found 3 pairs of shoes in 15 minutes, enabling me to make it to belly dancing on time. It was bliss, until I got home later this evening. When I laid out each new pair in my apartment, marveling how each would go swell with my wardrobe, it quietly became obvious to me that these shoes represented a reincarnation of myself that I have desperately been trying to run away from over the past 730 days. I'm getting really pissed off that my shadow is STILL here. Doesn't it know when it's not welcome anymore?! I mean it's fine hanging out when I'm around other people who are similar to my shadow, but why doesn't it get lost when I am hanging around my granola friends and my granola-oriented shadow can then come to hang out? And that is what has been hanging me up all this time. I try to impose my inherent characteristics on an associate, whom I think I would like to aspire to live a similar existence as, but I always get the short end of the stick because it isn't possible. Why do I beat myself up like this when I know full well that each and every person is unique and different and perfectly acceptable? Because that means I have to be different and stand on my own two feet in broad daylight instead of standing in anyone else's shadow. And that's scary. But not as scary as only living life in someone else's shadow, where one may find comfort, but not the satisfying comfort that our soul's crave from being an authentic, original being.

So I guess this post can be interpreted as a kind of pep talk concerning your authentic self's "coming out" party? Excellent phrasing, because that's really what it is, a big party, full of laughter, joy, and admiration for others knowing that there is no judgment to be passed, no wrong to be righted, no apology necessary because people, ideas, and things are simply another creative interpretation of the Divine that threads us together in the universal soul.